Affective responsibility has been defined as the action of taking responsibility for our thoughts, emotions and feelings and managing them appropriately, but it also implies being aware that interpersonal relationships are composed of more than one person, not just ourselves, and that everyone involved has their own needs and feelings. Therefore, it is not only about being aware of what we feel and why we feel it, but also how our words, actions and decisions impact others.
There is also what has been termed “affective irresponsibility”, which implies that an individual has a frequent pattern of lack of affective responsibility, although there are also irresponsible behaviors that sometimes arise as sporadic episodes, which does not necessarily imply that the person is emotionally irresponsible.
Many irresponsible behaviors in the affective sense have become normalized in our society. However, this does not mean that they are normal.
What does affective responsibility indicate?
Being affectively responsible implies several things. Some of the most important are the following:
Empathy. This implies having the capacity and ability to identify with others and understand their feelings. Someone with affective responsibility is usually also someone with empathy.
Respect. It means having consideration for others, even when we disagree with their criteria or feelings. If they are not harmful to us, we must respect them in order to consider ourselves affectively responsible people.
Active listening and communication. Being able to communicate our feelings adequately is as important as knowing how to listen to others.
Consensus. Even if there are disagreements, even if what we think, want or feel is different from what others think, want or feel, it is important to reach a consensus that can benefit both parties, not that this becomes a source of conflict. This also implies affective responsibility.
Establish limits. If we consider that the other person is overstepping his or her bounds, it is very important to know how to set healthy and necessary limits. Those who have affective responsibility do not hesitate to set limits when it is necessary to do so.
Think about the consequences of our actions. This is another important factor to consider. Almost everything we do or say has repercussions on others. For that reason, it is important to think about the possible consequences of a decision, or of saying something that may cause discomfort to others.
Not having affective responsibility would mean lacking any of the above concepts. For example, let's imagine that someone is angry with you and tries to make you guess what is wrong with him or her. This person is not being affectively responsible. Being responsible in this sense would involve communication and empathy, which is not present in this example.
How to develop emotional responsibility?
Work on developing your empathy. Respecting and being empathetic with others is essential for affective responsibility. First of all, to develop empathy, it is essential that you work on active listening, not prejudging people and taking an interest in understanding them, as well as understanding what happens to yourself.
Develop respect. It is essential that we learn to respect other people's criteria and needs, even if you do not fully agree with them. If those needs or opinions do not harm anyone, we must respect them.
Develop social skills and assertive communication. People who are affectively responsible are assertive, which is why it is essential to develop assertiveness.
Analyze the consequences of your actions. A person with affective responsibility analyzes all the consequences of their actions, so it is essential that, before performing any action, you reflect on what these will bring about, whether it is what you say or what you do.
Reflect on conflicts. Arguing at every moment is not healthy, however, we know that in interpersonal relationships not everything is pleasant. For that reason, the fact that conflicts arise from time to time can be a factor that teaches us something, that brings to light something that we need to learn to manage or improve in ourselves. Nevertheless, the most advisable thing is to avoid them if it depends on us, otherwise, it would not be an indicator of a correct affective responsibility.
Conclusion
Affective responsibility is unknown to many, but it is something fundamental because it is one of the most important factors to build healthy relationships, both with other people and with us. Behind being emotionally irresponsible hide behaviors such as stalking, haunting, ghosting, etc., which do us so much harm.
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