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How to overcome shyness?



Probably when a person is shy they have a reduced social circle and it is difficult for them to expand it because they do not consider themselves capable of being more sociable and establishing relationships with others. You may also think that you are going to be rejected, that you are not going to “fit in” or that you are simply afraid to open up to other people and start a conversation or a friendship.


Over time, some important studies have shown that one of the most relevant factors for the happiness of a human being is social relationships, which also influences health. When a person feels lonely, they are more likely to start suffering from health problems and their life expectancy can be reduced. Other investigations have linked the appearance of diseases such as cardiovascular diseases and cancer with little social interaction.

However, you must distinguish between being an introvert and being shy. Introversion has more to do with a preference for a small circle of friends. Instead, shyness is associated with the conflict that interacting with others generates in someone.


How to combat shyness?


First of all, it is essential that you do not label yourself as a shy person. The moment we say “I am shy”, it is perhaps the anchor or the reinforcement that will not allow us to appreciate ourselves differently and not work on it, classifying ourselves under that label all our lives. Therefore, this is the first step: avoid defining yourself in this way.


Second, you could try to meet people gradually. In other words, seek conversations with someone who is accessible to us, and repeat it as many times as you can until you no longer feel so nervous and manage to find a dialogue with someone of greatest interest to you.


Third, it is important that you get rid of negative thoughts. We may have many fears, such as being rejected or making a fool of ourselves. If that is the case, we must take the risk and try to have totally positive thoughts and sincerely believe that we are someone with many wonderful virtues. Do not fight unpleasant thoughts, accept them, but act in such a way that they are not the ones that govern your attitude towards life.


On the other hand, there are many people who, to overcome shyness, try to appear falsely confident. This can become another difficulty as it generates a lot of pressure. Just being able to recognize our own emotions reduces the effect they have on ourselves, and this has been proven through scientific studies.


One useful thing you can do is try to let your body expressions speak for you. It may be that many times we have been perceived in a very different way from how we really are, and this must be due to certain signals that you will have transmitted bodily, which may have been interpreted as that you are friendly and nice or that, on the contrary, you are hateful. Therefore, we must learn to transmit positive signals so that this does not happen. For example, that our body language be open, smile sincerely, not falsely, etc.


To overcome shyness, you can also try to start the conversations yourself, using, for example, triangulation, that is, three factors: the interlocutor, some aspect in common between the two, and you, and start by making a certain comment. You can then move on to a genuine conversation about what you think might be prudent or nice at the moment, but without falling into small talk based on superficial questions. It is better that you focus on those that are related to emotions such as: what is your fundamental motivation when you travel? or what do you like most about your job?


In addition to this, it is very important that we keep the conversation alive. According to studies, it has been shown that finding similarities with our interlocutor is key for this purpose, since it constitutes an effective mechanism of influence. Therefore, knowing what unites you can generate, when talking, a strong feeling of closeness between you and your interlocutor.


It may also be very feasible for you to show your sensibilities and virtues, your true emotions.


Once this is achieved, if you want to strengthen the relationship with the person with whom you have begun to interact, you have to take care of the periodicity, closeness, persistence and intensity. This means that, for example, if you want this bond to last and grow stronger, you should start contacting this person more frequently. Physical proximity is also essential to establish lasting relationships since there is a more real, face-to-face contact. Likewise, it happens with the duration, that is, it would not be useful to date someone just to see each other for 10 minutes, and in the same way with the intensity, because the more emotional and lively the encounters with the other person are, the greater the probability of getting closer. those ties.


Overcoming shyness really requires courage. However, to start being more sociable, you must first ask yourself what is the reason that drives you to do so, not because you think you should be just because of social demands.

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